Volume II No. 33
 03-08-04
 Martha Stewart: Convicted Felon
 author: Vance Cureton
 © Copyright 2004

 Okay Martha. C'mon. Be for real. We know you did it. 

 You lied. -- And then you lied about lying. And the Feds made 
 you regret your lies. They indicted you and took you to court. 
 And once in court absolutely NO ONE anywhere cared about 
 your lawyer's attacts on Douglas Faneuill. The broker's aid who 
 talked in exchange for a lesser sentence. { he's a real rat, isn't he? }

 But even more unfortunate than your lawyer's strategy, Martha 
 was the testimony of your own assistant Ann Armstrong. { have
 you fired her yet? } And that of your best friend, Mariana Pasternak. 
 They both, in essence, testified as to your consciouness-of-guilt.

 And then Martha, smugly, you didn't take the witness stand.

 What were you thinking!

 The jury hated you. -- And now you're a convicted felon, and 
 the odds are in June you'll be sentenced to a stay in Federal prison. 
 A place where you'll have to associate with people who aren't
 very personable. And where the guards are liable to be just as 
 nasty as the inmates.

 "Oh my...."

 We know you'd really rather not be bothered with the whole 
 ugly situtation. Prison - besides being a dangerous place - is 
 boring. And the attire is so dreadful. What will you wear during 
 your stay? The most popular colors are blue and orange. 

 You'll never look good in either of those colors Martha.

 What a shame.

 Btw, Martha there are certain rules in prison you must follow.
 MYOB and try not to be too much of a snob. The idea that you
 can change your personality overnight is probably unreasonable. 
 But, just tone done the haughty act a bit.

 And Martha, whenever you're in the prison shower. Never smile 
 at anyone. Keep your eyes to yourself. 

 If the guards want to stare at you. Let them stare. Okay, so you're 
 62 years old, now. Maybe your bosom sags more than in your
 younger days. And you've got awful cellulite wrinkles across your 
 butt. Just let the guards laugh and tell their one-liners. You'll get 
 through it.

 Afterall, you'll always be mindful that once you're out of prison,
 you'll be able to get fixed up really nice. You can have the make-over 
 of all make-overs. { you're sure to be featured on Access Hollywood! } 
 Then you can smirk knowing that you've spent more money pampering 
 yourself than those loser guards will earn in a dozen years. 

 After your release Martha, have your "people" arrange an invitation 
 to Oprah's show. 

 It'll be so nice.

 Maybe Oprah will even hold your hand as you talk about your 
 brutal experience in the Federal pen. You'll tell the audience about 
 how alone you felt. How your fellow inmates resented you. How
 you never really made a friend. As it was so difficult trying to relate 
 to street people and drug dealers.

 Martha, you'll appear genuinely human. Maybe even vulnerable! 

 The public will love the Martha Stewart brand, again. It will be 
 like your conviction never happened. Like it was all some bad 
 dream.

 A horrible nightmare.

 But, is this justice?

 Of course not Martha. Justice is when real criminals get sent to
 prison. What you did was PERSONAL. -- The trial was about a 
 lot of nothing. Your friend Sam Waskal was quietly unloading his 
 ImCLONE stocks. { bad news was on the way from the F.D.A. } 
 The broker's assistant told you about it. And then you quickly 
 wanted to unload your stock, just like Waskal was attempting. 
 In all, you saved maybe $200,000 dollars.

 Chump change really, when you're a woman worth half-a-billion.
 But then again, you didn't become that rich by not being stingy
 at times.

 Anyway, the government did have the right to charge you. What 
 you did was illegal. It's called insider trading. A crime. { a charge 
 that was subsequently thrown out } But we understand Martha, 
 that you had so many other more important things on your mind. 
 You acted before you thought. -- It was a believable mistake.

 As if that wasn't bad enough, those mean Federal prosecutors 
 even charged you with lying even though when you lied, you 
 weren't even under arrest, yet. They charged you with lying 
 because you dared to defend yourself in the press.

 "My, my, my..."

 Martha you should have accepted the plea bargain. -- Even if
 you didn't like what the government offered. You can't beat Uncle 
 Sam when they want to get you, Martha. It's sort of like wrestling 
 with the proverbial 500-pound gorilla.

 Yes Martha we know. The Feds were just picking on you. They 
 humiliated you, called you a corporate criminal, and brought you 
 down just because you're a woman who moves smoothly in a man's
 world. And because people say that you're haughty and arrogant, 
 and nasty to the hired help. -- Not to mention, FILTHY rich.

 Yes Martha, we understand you're being a wealthy babe, really 
 shouldn't matter. If you were just Martha Nobody, the government 
 would have wanted your case to disappear as soon as possible.

 Isn't life unfair?

 Now that you've been convicted, it's okay if you shed a few tears, 
 Martha. But not in public. Hold your head up high and don't let 
 ANYONE see your pain. 

 Meanwhile Martha, in case you haven't heard, people out here in 
 the land of the ordinary citizen are wondering what's really going 
 on in those Federal prosecutor's offices. Aren't there "real" corporate 
 criminals who have fleeced companies { and their stockholders } of 
 MILLIONS of dollars. Ken Lay of Enron hasn't even been arrested 
 and charged with a crime. { btw, was he an acquaintance of yours? }

 We hope not. { he's a Republican, isn't he? }

 Of course Lay claims ignorance as to the house-of-cards that was
 Enron. The biggest corporate fraud in U.S. history. Why isn't this 
 slimy crook getting sized up for a prison jump-suit? Isn't he somebody 
 who should be taken off the streets expeditiously?

 What's the delay?

 Why don't the Feds arrest him for lying about lying?

 The Enron debacle cost thousands of people across America
 their savings, their investments, their jobs. Enron wasn't personal
 skullduggery like your insignificant little crime, Martha. It was 
 wholesale thievery of a different kind.

 It's really bad when the Feds think the public isn't paying attention 
 to who's actually making dirty money in the corporate world. They 
 think we're all preoccupied and stupid.

 Btw, you don't think that we're stupid. Do you Martha?

 That would be sad.
 

 ReadingPost.Com
 © Copyright 2004

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